Funny for yer Friday: A great "overheard" website.
 
What the kiddies're up to: Building a Christmas tree out of cans of food. This is the second of the charitable activities planned for the season (the first was One Laptop Per Child, to the tune of 37 laptops donated). Compulsive? Obsessive? This can-tree is your outlet. I watched one of our creative types reposition a single can about 20 times, stepping back to make sure it was in line--no, just a hair thataways--nope, as you were--and realized if it were left up to me to make a canned food sculpture for charity, charity would be getting a messy polygon.
 
Adobe needs me. Really, it does. Look what I done found online yesterday:


 
There are typos of various degrees. This one is COTS (Coffee-out-the-Snout) bad.
 
Posted by Hane2SO4 at 4:01 PM | Link
 

If noise = creativity, I'm now working in a Renaissance goddamn studio. File this under "Whinings of the Employed," i.e., trashcan.
 
Posted by Hane2SO4 at 3:27 PM | Link
 

As the lamb cultivates the mint patch... the little company is no longer so little, and is about to undergo a bit of tumultuous evolution in the next while. Back in June I was dead certain that my time had come. But now, well...let's just say that I won't be surprised if the new company has no Jane-sized spot. I won't be thrilled, seeing as how I owe a car to the mad dad, but I won't be shocked or anything. Never know, could be a good thing. Oh! Change. Change is all.
 
The lamb is weeding the mint patch because I spent a large part of today drafting employment ads, as well as clearing out my work station in preparation for a move to a shaft of light between two CPUs in the back studio. Waah...I will miss the computer kids. They were the swellest.
 
Posted by Hane2SO4 at 2:14 PM | Link
 

Updates on the fly: New car! The MazDad really knows how to walk and talk. Also, Kramer Mazda and I were overjoyed to see the last of each other. I predict that my vast inexperience of car lots probably added two weeks to the new car acquisition. But who cares! I've got five speeds! A CD player! Now to get used to the heated seats and stop thinking I've wet my pants.
 
Three full Doping Control days later, I can say that new 1,500m World Record setter Jenny Wolf (Germany) is an absolute winner personality-wise, too. I was greatly amused by another new World Record setter, the boisterous Sven Kramer (Nederlands). While doing a victory lap on the ice, he dodged to avoid a referee and went arse over teakettle into the bumper pads. A great TV highlight. He then bounced around the Doping Control room, stretching, kidding the stoic Dr. S. ("You want my autograph, Doc?") and generally entertaining everyone except the NED team official, a humourless crone with way too much eyeliner and a low opinion of everything Canadian.
 
After working full shifts on Friday and Saturday, on Sunday I was scheduled to work only the early morning Division B races. Normally this meant I'd be done before noon and could go and be a spectator. But! My randomly chosen skater was also competing in the last women's event of the afternoon, so I couldn't notify her until she was done. No problem, I was going to stay and watch the race anyway. It was a team pursuit, so when my skater and her teammates came off the ice, I did the notification thing and prepared to do the follow-around thing.
 
Which is when it got squirmy. My skater's team had one skater who trailed after the others, causing her team to finish in last place. When this skater came back to the dressing room, my skater and the other teammate ignored her, while the coach berated her and made dismissive gestures. Then the three of them talked together, making comments that were clearly directed at the woebegone third skater, until the coach wheeled around to yell at her again. I just wanted to hug that kid and help her emigrate to Canada. The worst thing I've ever heard a Canadian coach say to an athlete after a subpar time is "You forgot to hydrate, didn't you?" Doubtless Canadian coaches say a lot more, with a lot of cussing, but they've never let loose in front of a Doping Control chaperone that I know of.
 
Finally my skater decided to head to the Doping Control room. First she had the blood test, then came the urine test. Skaters have to produce 75cc at a minimum. My skater produced 60cc. This meant we both had to wait until she felt the urge again. Considering I thought I'd be done before noon, this struck me as quite funny. So I passed the time chatting with the Doping Control Officers and Dr. S. until my skater could try again. The second try was successful.
 
Three full days, lots of exercise, three great sleeps--ahhh. I love that speed skating. Now to try to get picked for the Vancouver Olympics in 2010.
 
Posted by Hane2SO4 at 3:11 PM | Link
 

Never do this. Never mention that you are without a car, but bucking up because at least you're getting more exercise, in the presence of those who witness for the green. They will immediately assume you are one of them, when in fact, while you care about the environment, you are panting for the opportunity to drive by yourself in a car to and from work in the cold weather. You are a creature of paradoxes, we know. Well, go ahead and mention the new car, but don't be surprised by the disappointed reaction/friendly lecture. And commenting on how a bullet through the brainpan would drastically reduce another person's CO2 burden on Gaia may not be taken as gentle ribbing.
 
Posted by Hane2SO4 at 3:54 PM | Link
 

Stubbornly perverse, I am able to get wildly furious with a shopping mall's non-functioning directory touch screens (tell me, what was so wrong with a stationary map, huh?)--but told that my condo association needs to call for cash from all the owners to make up a reserve fund deficit? Business as usual.
 
Back to the mall directory for a second. I want to track down two people: the person who designed the program for the touch screen mall map, and the administration dolt who decided that this was more helpful than a stationary map with "You are here" printed on it. And I want to punch them in the face. Because what they have done is take something useful, something that more than one person at a time could use, and turn it into a malfunctioning idiot toy that amuses many teenagers who use the keyboard to type out swear words. And that only serves one person at a time (or more than one if you're the friend of the teenager tapping out gross search terms).
 
And that is today's state of being: about to be seriously broker than ever, and fed up with impractical technology.
 
Posted by Hane2SO4 at 10:27 AM | Link
 

It's getting more exercise, taking its vitamins and supplements daily, and getting involved in additional charitable activities. But still...others want it to be something different. Been like that for, oh, 40-some years. I am tired of it.
 
Posted by Hane2SO4 at 4:30 PM | Link
 

Funny to look back on. Maybe. There I was, at a south Calgary mall, without wheels. I had dropped the beloved SoccerMom off at the car parts yard in the early morning. I had taken a fairly pricey cab ride to the car dealership, where—don’t ask. Anyway, rather than drop more cash on cabs, I decided to take the train downtown and transfer to the festering bus. This meant finding a bank and then finding change.
 
By the time I was walking through the scads of teenagers at the mall, I was at the brink. I was a little worried how I would handle any further upset in the day.
 
This is the part where friends, particularly those in south Calgary, may ask why in goddamn hell I didn’t call them. Because (1) it’s not my way, and (2) I really didn’t want to talk.
 
Public transit was accomplished without a hitch. Then I was back at home with the dippy mutts, walking and threatening them with dire beatings. Order restored.
 
Posted by Hane2SO4 at 10:46 AM | Link
 

New car? Not yet. Don't ask. Just--don't.
 
Posted by Hane2SO4 at 10:29 AM | Link
 

Where'd I put that damn thing? Somehow I left the house today without turning off the fuckup switch. That explains a few things, anyway. Like the bank putting a hold on a cheque for five business days and this possibly causing a further delay with the car. It is my fuckup because I put off picking up and depositing the cheque until today. You know what I don't get? It's the same length wait as it was pre-Internet. And that, even to this spongiform brain, just don't make sense.
 
Tune in Monday, November 12 for the next chapter in this fascinating saga.
 
Posted by Hane2SO4 at 12:27 PM | Link
 

Thursday Update Update: The car is in! And can I pick it up tomorrow? No! You can pick it up at 10:00 a.m. on Monday, maggot. Mazda must do a "Service Check" first. And will that be added to the bill? We wait and see, but we are not about to pay one lovely muscly Canadian penny more. More on the volunteering: I'll be helping out at another group locale this coming Saturday night, too. The following weekend: it's that pee time of the year, folks. A World Cup speedskating event at the Olympic Oval, where I will be traipsing after the ridiculously fit, brandishing Doping Control packs. Perhaps my accreditation photo this year will not cause snorts and giggles from the skaters. Heh. Wait'll I get out my passport.
 
Posted by Hane2SO4 at 3:14 PM | Link
 

A Thursday update. Still no new car. Still knitting away. Still amused by the domestic beasts. Decision re holidays: This is the year I volunteer. The 24th, 25th and 31st of December, at various halfway houses and treatment centres. Right now I'm trying to think of some small giveaway, something harmless yet not complete crap, and of course that can't be sold/traded for a fix. My cousin Les made up Christmas stockings for homeless people, complete with candy, warm socks, mittens, water, and healthyish snacks like nuts. I don't know if I will do exactly the same, but since socks are my favourite gift to receive, I think I might put together some sock-centric offerings for the holidays. I'd knit them, except they'd be mistaken for sleeping bags/hot tub covers.
 
Posted by Hane2SO4 at 1:01 PM | Link
 

First hearing test. I've been guilty of many non-sequiturish responses in the last year, leading me and others to suspect that my hearing may be on the decline. This morning I went to a local audiology clinic and had my hearing thoroughly tested. Both ears are just fine. So the bad news is, I may just be stupid. Or too embarrassed to say "I beg your pardon?" when I don't hear clearly. Or both.
 
Posted by Hane2SO4 at 1:14 PM | Link
 

I sez to him, I sez... For those keeping score in Jane vs. Car Salesman, today I have made three calls to the sales manager, leaving two polite but tense messages, and then coaxing a cell number from the receptionist and talking to the man at last. Except he was in his car, and had to go to a meeting, and he'd heard that his house may have been burgled. He promises he'll get back to me. The thing is, when you are determined not to be a gull, even the most plausible excuses can sound shady.
 
Yes! This IS what passes for excitement in my life. Thanks for asking!
 
Posted by Hane2SO4 at 4:08 PM | Link